Dealing with set backs

These last few weeks have been extremely tough. I feel like I've had the wind knocked out of my sails and if I'm honest, I'm struggling to get back on my feet. I feel emotionally drained and feeling like a bit of a failure. Last week I was made redundant from my job. The publication had given me the most surreal, hilarious, bizarre and incredible experiences over the last three years. Sometimes I have wanted to pull my hair out in rage but most of the time I have wanted to pinch myself thanks to all the amazing opportunities I was given. I feel so attached to the magazine with it being my first ever job in the crazy journalism world. It was the magazine that helped me achieve my dream.

But then the Tunisian tragedy happened. My parents were in the exact hotel just a week before. They laid on that beach soaking up the rays. I spoke to them via Skype in that lobby. I laughed with a member of staff who gatecrashed one of our Skype calls. My parents came home and raved about what a wonderful place Sousse was and how they had the most fantastic week. They couldn't praise the hotel staff enough. When the information started pouring in over social media, it really hit home just how devastating the situation is. I could have been scrambling to find a flight and heartbreakingly identifying my parents. I could be an orphan - it doesn't bare thinking about. What kind of world do we live in that people think behaviour like this is acceptable? How dare someone take someone's life in such a brutal way? The world is becoming such a a scary place. I can't even begin to imagine the horror those poor people felt when a man opened fired on the beach. Somewhere they were relaxing, forgetting their troubles and completely unaware.

I may have lost my job but I'm still standing. Losing my job isn't the end of the world. It may seem so at the time but something always happens to make you feel incredibly lucky.  I'm still about to give my loved ones a hug before I go to bed. I'm still able to ring them up for a chat. Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger - certain things are sent to try us. To test our strength. I'm hoping this redundancy means that something better is around the corner. I'm looking forward to finding out what other things I'm capable of. I feel like this could be the chance for me to have a new career.  I'm going to dust myself off and become a warrior and not a worrier. Life's too short.

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Why your 20s are an adventure

I'm fast accelerating towards my late twenties and I feel like I'm desperately holding onto my twenties. But I have to admit, your twenties are bloody hard.

You finish university after slogging your guts out for three years before being thrown in head first into a career. But first you spend a year interning, often working seven days a week so you can afford to have a social life. When you finally get that elusive entry-level job, you start at the very bottom and spend the next few years frantically trying to work your way up. You go from buying everything Topshop on payday to scrimping and saving to buy your first house. Like I said, your twenties are bloody hard.

But you know what? Your twenties are also full of adventure. You'll never be this young or as carefree again with relatively no ties. So what if you're not shooting up the career ladder as fast as your friends or that you're still living at home. Your twenties should be about living in the moment. Taking grasp of every opportunity that is thrown your way. Going on your dream holidays and seeing all the places you've only ever seen pictures of. Taking the risks you want in your career. If you want to finally get to Australia instead of buying a house, make sure you apply for that visa. Save the house deposit for another day. Don't worry about what other people are doing, just make sure you spend your twenties with minimum regrets.

Don't be made to feel like you haven't got your shizzle together just because you're not following protocol. Jump abroad the wagon and hold on tight! Save being sensible for when you hit 30.

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Being in a long term relationship

It says something when you have to go back to 2012 to find a decent smiling picture - mental note to maybe start smiling in pictures... Look at those baby faces! 

I've been in a relationship since I was 18. I have had the same - and only! - boyfriend for over eight years. Yet when I mention this to people, I get very mixed reactions. Some may find it romantic but to be honest the vast majority look at me in disbelief. How on earth can I be happy with only having one boyfriend?! Don't I feel the need to sow my seeds? Aren't I worried we got together too young? How can I possibly know he's the one for me?

I'm the first to admit that 18 is young and I'm a very different person now at 26. So is my boyfriend but we're growing together. We've both got the some views on marriage and children - not for a very long time thank you! We both love to travel and see live music. We lead quite separate lives and treasure our times spent with our friends. We've never ever lived in each others pockets. Sometimes we go days without seeing each other simply because we're living our lives. But it could change, at 30 we could suddenly want completely different things. It happens all the time. If we do? We would still have had many good years together and I definitely won't be thinking I've wasted my life on only one person. 

I get told that I don't have a clue what's out there and shouldn't be settling on my first one. Well first off, I'm not settling at all thank you very much. There's been no reason in eight years for me to question my relationship. We're both extremely stubborn and bicker but he's never once treated me bad. Not giving me the last roast potato on a Sunday isn't really much to complain about. I've heard horror stories from friends about their latest boyfriend and not had them myself. He has never ever told me what I can and can't do. I've bought a ticket to Glastonbury and jetted off to Chicago on my own and he's never batted an eyelid. I'm often swanning off on weekends to see my friends - perks of having them scattered around the country. A few people have asked how he feels about me doing so much on my own. Well why would he be bothered? He gets to order a 12-piece KFC bargain bucket to himself and play his XBOX all day. I'm not willing to ask anyone's permission to live my life. 

Why should people be belittled for their choice of love life? If you've had one boyfriend or ten boyfriends it doesn't matter. You are free to have any many partners as you choose and nobody is able to judge you. Someone would never - well most people wouldn't - blatantly call a girl a hussy to her face for having multiple boyfriends. So it shouldn't be ok to look down your nose at a girl who's only had one man friend. After all, we live in a free world don't we?

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Why not being maternal is ok

I was never that child who loved playing with dolls and pretending I was a mum. In fact from the tender age of 11, I always use to proudly state that my ambition was being a journalist. I'll give myself a pat on the back for making that come true. Babies didn't even enter my mind. I've never been one to coo over newborns either. Truth be told, I'm a little scared of them and they sense it. As soon as they sit on my lap, the waterworks start. Give me a dog? I'll turn to mush. Especially when I see a puppy. I can fully get on board with being dog broody.

I'm not even sure that I want to be a mum. I've worked extremely hard on my education and my career that I'm in no hurry to take a step back.  I come from a line of women who don't like kids. My nan and mum both lack the maternal gene. But they make amazing mothers. Go figure? For some reason some people just cannot grasp that idea. I've been told that I'm depriving my boyfriend – he once mentioned he'd rather jack in the kids malarky and travel the world. I've been told I'm doing the world a disservice and it's my role as a woman to reproduce. I've been given condescending advice that I should just wait. My clock will soon be ticking and I'll have a sudden urge. I've been told I don't know what I'm missing out on. I've been told I don't know what I'm talking about at my age. 

I might very well change my mind. I could reach 30 and have the sudden urge to reproduce. I look and mine and my mum's amazing relationship and long for that myself. But do you know what? It's ok to not want to bring a child into the world. It doesn't make you less of a woman. You don't lose your femininity simply because you don't want to give birth. It's not the be all and end all if you don't ever hear the word mum. Don't be made to feel bad just because you prefer to have a career over raising a family. The beauty of the world is you should be who you want to be.

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Letting go of friendships

Friends are one of the best things in the world. If you pick them right, they can even become like family. But friends can also cause a lot of anxiety and stress.

As I've got older I've become very good at letting friendships go. If they're not making me happy, then I cut ties. A friend shouldn't be hard work. You shouldn't come away from a lunch feeling emotional about the way it has gone. Even if you don't see them for months on end, it should be like you've never spent a moment apart once you meet up again.

Friendships can very quickly become toxic. They can quickly make you feel worthless and upset. You deserve better. It takes two people to make a friendship work - it isn't always down to you to keep it afloat. Just because you've been friends with someone for years, it doesn't mean they should always be in your life. I'm a firm believer that some friends just aren't forever. People move at a different pace to one another. As you grow older, you change. Your interests, outlook on life and opinions change over time. I'm a very different person to when I was 18 to what I am now at the grand age of 26. Just because you're not getting on now, it doesn't mean you should feel like the friendship is a waste. You may have had five years of laughs but it's gone past it's sell-by-date.

But once you find a group of people who make you feel happy, who are easy to be around and who are always on the end of a phone ready to listen to your quarter-life crisis, make sure you hold on tight and never let go.  Those ones are keepers. It's much better to have a handful of solid good friends than lots of alright friends who couldn't really care if you're having a rough time at work.

Don't be afraid to say no more. No friendship is worth having if it makes you always second guess yourself and stops being fun. You deserve to be treated how you treat other people.

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How to update your wardrobe on a budget

If you're anything like me, you believe that buying clothes to fill your wardrobe is what makes the world go round. Even if it's bursting at the seams. But once again if you're anything like me, you'll also not have a bottomless purse. I don't know if I've mentioned - jokes I know I have and I'm boring myself - but I'm saving for a house. Snore. But I also want to add pretty things to my wardrobe. So I've got a few tips to share if you too are looking to update your wardrobe on a budget.

1. Decide exactly what you need.
If you're anything like me, you shop with your heart rather than your head. I often buy frivolous things only to get home and realise I don't actually have anything to go with it. To save myself from spending needlessly, I had a proper sort through my wardrobe to help me find what I was missing. As a result I have a long list of things I need rather than what I want. It may be a boring way to shop but it saves you from having to stare at endless clothes still with the tags on.

2. Adopt a one in, one out policy.
I'm a hoarder but I force myself to always try and get rid of one or two things before I take the plunge to buy something new. If you haven't worn it in a year, seriously think about getting rid of it. That way you can spend the money you get from flogging it on eBay, on new clothes. You don't have to break into your precious bank account and it's basically free money. That's what I tell myself anyway.

3. Become a discount code queen.
There are so many websites out there offering various discount codes so before you decide to hand over some dosh, make sure you check them out. Every little helps! Also try to get items delivered to the store too if you can as this will save you on postage costs.

4. Invest in decent pieces.
Buy cheap, buy twice as a wise woman once told me. This is so true. Those £8 Primark pumps might seem cheap as chips at the time but when you're having to buy three a month because they fall apart, they're not. Invest in a good quality coat, shoes and handbags. It will save you money in the long run.

5. Shop your statsh.
Get absolutely everything out in your wardrobe and go through piece by piece. I can almost guarantee that you'll find items of clothing you completely forgot you owned. It's just like going shopping! But without having to burn any plastic. I've often come across old favourites that I've fallen in love with all over again.


Do you have any tips to share?

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5 tips to relax and switch off

If you're anything like me, you run at 100 mph and constantly have something or another swirling around in your head. I have a very busy job - not that I'm complaining as I like to keep to be kept on my toes - and often don't get indoors until just 7.45pm. Sometimes I have events in the evening and weekends to attend to as well. Then there's always something I have to do whether it's blogging - certainly not a chore! - , ebaying, life admin or running round to see people. Like the old lady I am, I like to be in bed for 10 so it's very rush rush rush. I never really have time to switch off and relax. Something my sanity is beginning to get annoyed with. I've tried to make a conscious effort to step back and put things on hold to try and get some 'me' time. It's good for the soul!

1. Read a book.
The classic way to shut out the world and forget about everything in your life is to open a good book. It's so easy to lose yourself in someone else's world for 30 minutes or so. There are so many great books out to pick up and it's a great way to keep your brain ticking over. Sometimes we all get too wrapped up in work and forget to enjoy the simple things in life. More the often the book is much better than the film so pick it up first to read!

2. Bake a cake.
I personally find baking to be really therapeutic and relaxing. There's nothing I love more than getting my bake on. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate and you'll have plenty of time to fit it in during the evening - a classic Victoria Sponge is my favourite to make. Always a winner! It hardly takes any time at all to whip up and whilst it's cooking for 30 minutes you can veg out like broccoli (ten points if you get the movie reference) in front of the telly. Then cut the cake and veg out some more! You'll get lots of brownie points if you take it into work for your colleagues!

3. Slob out in front of Netflix.
Netflix has to be up there with one of the best adventures in the world. There's so many different films, documentaries and series on there to keep you occupied for hours. Even if you've only got half an hour to spare before you want to switch your light out, there's always something to catch you eye. I know a lot of people say telly isn't a good thing before bed but it helps me. Sometimes I nod off before something has almost finished. If you don't have Netflix, pop on your favourite DVD and remember exactly why you love it so much!

4. Experiment in the kitchen.
Like I mentioned before I find cooking very relaxing. I get such pleasure out of following a recipe and actually making something edible to eat. It's a great way to keep your mind fresh and you tend to forget about everything else as you're concentrating on following instructions. There are plenty of good books out that specialise in quick and simple meals so it won't take up your whole evening. If you're feeling adventurous, why not try and make a recipe up yourself?

5. Pamper yourself.
After a long day at work, nothing feels better then giving yourself some TLC. Paint your nails, pop on a face mask, have a bubble bath or put on your expensive special cleanser on your face as a treat. It's important to look after yourself as you only get one body! You don't want your stress starting to appear on your face do you now?!

So tell me, what do you do to switch off?

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5 life goals for 2015

1. Learn a new skill.

Since leaving uni, I've missed learning. I know you learn all the time at work but it's just the same thing. I feel like I need to push myself to do something new and to keep my brain ticking over. This blog is my only hobby apart from spending all my money on ASOS and socialising down the pub. Both things that will need to be cut down on when I start saving for a house. I've got a whole list of things I'm debating which mostly make me sound like an old lady. I want to badger my nan to teach me how to knit, finally figure out how to sew after three years, work out the in and outs of SEO and HTML and take a few lessons in floristry.

2. Invest more time into this blog.

I felt that my blog kinda fell off the radar in 2014 and it didn't really reach it's full potential. This year I really want to improve my content and photography to help give it the shove it needs. I'd like to really pour my heart and soul into my little corner of the internet. It's never going to up there with the big guns but I think it can be pushed a little harder. It's given me so many opportunities so far and I'd like to continue it as it's been a fun four years! I've enjoyed making it more into a lifestyle blog lately and making my posts a little more personal. A massive thanks to everyone who reads it and hopefully you'll all stick around!

3. Learn to budget.

I spend money like nobody's business once I've paid my bills for the month. I actually think I might keep ASOS and Topshop in business. But this year I have to become a bit better. I'm going to withdraw £50 a week and that will have to pay for all my luxuries. Once it's gone, it's gone. I'm hoping it going to help me re-think exactly what I buy and make me appreciate what I have. Wish me luck!

4. See more of the world.

I've well and truly been bitten with the travel bug now and don't really want to spend my money on anything else. I won't be able to go on any big trips like New York this year but I'm going to try my hardest to see a fair bit of Europe - hopefully a trip to America is on the cards in 2016. I've already got a trip booked to Barcelona for a week in August and am hoping to squeeze in Budapest, Newcastle and Amsterdam too. Fingers crossed!

5. Read more books.

As I no longer get the train into work, my reading habits have really slipped. Over the last few months I've hardly ever picked up a book apart from when I have a bath once in a blue moon. I'm going to try and pop my iPad down when I get into bed and squeeze in 30 minutes of reading. It should help my sleeping habits plus it's always enjoyable to lose yourself in a another world eh?

What do you hope to achieve in 2015?

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6 things I learnt in 2014

1. Travel is good for the soul.

I've always wanted to see the world and this year I ventured a lot further afield than I have before. I was lucky enough to go to New York, Glastonbury and Bruges alongside various weekends in the UK. New York was absolutely amazing and helped me realise a ten year dream. Next year I'm going to start the dreaded house fund as I dig deep to buy my own house. But I don't want to sacrifice travel so I'm going to have to cut back on a lot of other things. Like they say, travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer so I'm willing to stay in a bit more so I can fulfil my wanderlust. It's worth it.

2. Make more times for friends.

The above photo was taken a few days ago at my friends birthday pub trip that obviously eventually got out of hand, like all trips to the pub with these lot do. I stayed at home during Uni and was stuck with the lads as all the girls more or less moved away. I've got a deep affection for this lot and feel very protective over them - next year marks nine years since we all got to know each other at Sixth Form. Luckily one of the girls moved back home so I'm not outnumbered too much! I didn't really make much time for my friends this year as I let my work take priority and spent a lot more time on my new friendships. That night out on 27th made me realise that making time for your old friends is essential as well as nurturing those new friendships. It's also made me think that it's about time the lads got themselves girlfriends!

3. It's ok to go at your pace.

I spent a part of the year having a bit of a meltdown at the prospect of turning 26 without having much to show for it. But it also made me appreciate my career. I've always been a career girl and was desperate to jump on the ladder and went without a lot to get to where I am today. Hand on my heart, it has all been worth it. Everyone is different and people do things at different times. It is neither right or wrong.

4. Material things don't always make you the happiest.

I've always been a lover of things and am slightly proud of the amount of money I can spend in one shopping trip. But this year I came to the realisation that this isn't the root of all happiness. I know right? Buying that new dress might make you feel good on the day but you can't buy the things that make you happy in life. Memories don't have a price tag. Those evenings you laugh about when you're with your friends, those nights in snuggled in front of the telly with your boyfriend and the days you spend with your nan putting the world to rights are the things that leave you with a big smile on your face.

5. I can do anything I put my mind too.

I had a job title change earlier on in the year and made the switch from pictures to editorial. I'll be honest, I was a wreck for about 3 months constantly doubting my abilities and struggling with the huge change at work. But eventually I began to manage my time better and grew more confident in my abilities when I started to pull things off. I'm still learning but I think I'm - well hope! - improving and it's all thanks to my sheer determination not to be a failure. I haven't quite grasped it all yet but I no longer feel like I'm treading water. I feel like I'm getting somewhere. It just goes to show that hard work does pay off even if it takes six months.

6. It's ok to say no
I always have FOMO and say yes to everything. It can be a blessing and a curse. It means that I've done some amazing things but always that I'm constantly exhausted and feel like I'm running at 100mph all the time. I moved offices this year out to Essex from London and it means my commute time is a lot longer - I don't get home till around 7.30-8pm. I've had to say no to a lot of things as I simply can't muster the energy. But you know what, I actually don't mind. It nice to just come straight home after work and jump in my PJs and paint my nails. Rock and roll!

What did you learn in 2014?

Excuse the grainy photos - they're just a few iPhone snaps of my favourite things I've done this year. It's been a good one 2014!

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Acting your age

As I've mentioned before, I turn 26 next month much to my disgust and I keep reading different articles about what things you should or shouldn't be doing once you hit a certain age. What utter rubbish! Just because you hit the grand old age of 25 doesn't mean you should stay indoors and invest in a pipe and slippers. You want to go out dancing and come home when the birds start singing? Then go for! Equally you want to stay in your jammies all day and binge watch Netflix? Go for it!

I'm not about to let my age dictate how I dress, what I do or how I act. And nor should you. Those crop tops are staying in my wardrobe for as long as I have a fairly flat stomach. Even if that means I'm doing it well into my 30s and I'm getting tutted at in the street. I'm also going to carry on going to a club and dancing until my feet are about to fall off. Who cares if society decides 'you're too old' to do certain things. You only get one life so you may as well do what makes you happy. I've not got enough time to worry about what other people think of my actions or if i'm acting my age.

Growing old disgracefully seems kinda perfect to me! I'll be the old lady wearing red lipstick, unsensible shoes, sequins and dancing to the YMCA loud and proud. Care to join me?

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Embracing the junk (in your trunk)

It's hard being a woman. There I said it. Seeing stunning, slim girls in magazines can play havoc with your self confidence. Everyone always has an opinion of how you should look and what is attractive.

I spent years wishing I was built differently. I always wanted to be straight up straight down but alas this wasn't to be. I was born a classic pear shape with my hips being the largest part of my body.

Despite knowing deep down I'm not fat, I'm constantly trying to better my eating habits and lose weight. I'm the girl always moaning about how many calories I'm consuming yet will always have that extra glass of wine or eat everyone's leftovers. I blame the former chubby girl inside who lost three stone at the age of 18 on Weightwatchers. I always see that girl in the mirror. I last a week, maybe two weeks of being a machine with my eating habits then I fall spectacularly. Usually when I get the chance to go out for dinner and stuff my face with three courses. I know I should exercise more and stop eating as much junk food.

But do you know what? I've started to embrace who I am. I'm in a healthy weight range for my height even if it may be at the higher end. My height helps me to carry off any few dreaded pounds that I might be carrying. I have a boyfriends who loves me just the way I am. I would love to lose half a stone but I also love to enjoy life - which to me means eating all the food. In the world. Swings and roundabouts.

At the grand old age of 25 I've finally worked out what clothes suit me and help my confidence grow. I like to wear crop tops as my stomach is flat and my waist is my smallest part. I find the 50's silhouette skims my hips and helps me appear much more slimmer than I am. The midi length is perfect to hide the top half of my legs. I would love to wear trousers but they just cling far too much to my child bearing hips doing me no favours. I ain't ever going to be a jeans and tee kinda girl. My bum doesn't agree with that!

It may be cliché but it really is true that you become more comfortable in yourself the older you get. You just learn to not really care any more. Life is far too short to be counting calories all the time. If you want to have that burger, stuff it in your face. Just try to maybe have a better day the next. It's all about balance. It wouldn't be any fun if everyone looked the same. I bet what you have in your eyes as perfection, someone else has you as perfection.

Fake the confidence until you have it my friends. You're beautiful just the way you are.

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Interning for dummies

When people tell me they're desperate to break in to the journalism industry and ask me for tips. I always say the best advice is to run away screaming and promptly choose another industry. At this point they stare at me wide eyed and you can see them struggling to get their head around it. 

But if you do decide to ignore me, you'll soon find yourself in one of the best industries in the world. I honestly couldn't imagine dong anything else. This is my dream job and all I've wanted ever since I was 11 years old. But it really wasn't an easy ride to get here. I have spent many a sleepless night worrying if I was good enough. But if you can ride out the storm and be prepared to work seven days a week - five of those days for expenses only - and throw your heart and soul in to making sure you're indispensable, then you're halfway there.

Interning is soul destroying. You spend hours doubting your abilities, your self esteem takes a severe battering and you break down in tears when you receive yet another rejection email - someone doesn't even want your services for free! After a year on the emotional roller coaster you begin question your sanity. I was two weeks away from jacking in all my dreams of becoming a journalist and fill our an application to start my PGCE before I got my job. But if you can jump on the interning train, i've got a few tips that could help you along the way.

Don't just go for anything - pick internships that you think you have an interest in. Vogue may be your dream but it's everyone's else's too. So if you want to work for a fashion based magazine then write to all of them to try your luck. Don't send out generic cover letters - make sure you tailor them and really get across why you'd love to intern there. Gorkana, Media Muppet and Fashion Monitor are great websites. Don't be afraid to ring the publication up directly and ask. They'll remember you more if they hear your voice rather than see a faceless email. 

Don't be afraid to go the extra mile and never ask to go home early. The interns that will be remembered are the ones who offered their services, never came back from lunch late and found office jobs for themselves to keep them busy. The journalism industry is very close knit and almost everyone knows someone at one publication so news travels fast. Be willing to put the effort as it will help you out in the long term.

Make friends and talk to everyone on the team. Like I said above, the industry is very small so keep in touch with everyone who you work with. You never know what information you could be fed on the grapevine. They can give you the heads up for potential jobs and put in a good word for you if needed. I have made some great friends over the years and still keep in touch with them now. It's always nice to catch up with them at events! 

Good luck! 

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Feeling left behind

When I was 16, I had my entire life mapped out by the time I hit 25. I was going to be a well travelled individual, jump on the property ladder, work as a journalist, have a ring on my left hand and own a wardrobe filled to the brim with designer goodies. Well I hit 25 earlier this year and life hasn't quite gone where I thought it'd go. 

After years of interning I managed to get my dream job and can finally proudly call myself a bone fide journalist - something I thought would never happen. I've also managed to bag that Mulberry after months of hardcore saving. But the others? I'm not even close to ticking them off the list so does this mean i've somehow failed at life?

After having a mini meltdown earlier on in the year when my friends started becoming grown up and investing in property, I had the realisation that success in life isn't straight forward. I was beginning to feel left behind and wondering if my stubbornness not to become a grown up was holding me back. Was it about time I embraced being in my mid twenties and start behaving how society said I should?

Life is not a race so stop comparing yourself to others. You might look on in envy to your friends and wish you were keeping up with the Jones' but I can promise you they're looking at you wishing exactly the same thing. They might have own a house but you get to buy that Chanel lipstick whenever you want as you live at home. They might have a high flying career and earn more than you could ever dream off but you get a jiffy bag full of chocolate sent to you at work. They might be getting married but you can tell your boyfriend to go home so you can binge watch The Tudors. They might only wear designer shoes but you can feel smug as you've managed to find some bargains in TK Maxx.

I may not have a house to call my own, spent a year travelling around the world being 'cultured' or own those coveted Christian Louboutins but to be honest i'm pretty darn happy with the way life is going. Nothing fun is ever straight forward right? And I am still only 25.

Your time will come so stop trying to rush it. Life is too short.

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