When your friends have babies - and you don't want one

Outfit:

Burgundy polka dot shirt: ASOS

Distressed skinny jeans: George at ASDA (similar)

White plimsol trainers: Converse
Red leather backpack: Michael Kors (similar)

When one of my closest friends announced she was pregnant I cried. Part of me cried because I was in shock and about five gins down, another part she looked so excited at her news and the final part cried because I was upset that the dynamics in our 13 year friendship was about to change and I wasn't ready for that happen. Selfish eh? I honestly though I had at least another five years before any babies made an appearance.

It's no surprise that I'm not a very maternal person. I can't pretend I am and I'm so awkward when I'm around babies. I'm just not interested in having any of my own at this moment in time. I'm not sure if I will ever be interested in having my own.

As my friend's pregnancy went on it slightly freaked me out. She was the first one and I was beyond happy for her because you know she was going to be a mum. But all I kept thinking about was how there was just going to be a baby. Just there. For the rest of time. Things would never be as carefree again. Are you getting the picture that I'm not that keen on change? There when we had our summer BBQs, there when we met up for brunch and there when we all got together around each other's houses. Then as her due date drew closer, I found myself on the edge of my seat every time my phone pinged. When baby 'I' finally arrived, I thought she was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. Even now six months down the line, I find myself in Primark picking up things that I think she'll look cute in. I've surprised myself with just how much I'm taken with her and really didn't expect to be this involved. Sorry 'S'! We have a group Whatapp group and I get weekly pictures of what 'I' is doing and those messages make my day. I'm still fairly awkward around her and still find myself petrified that I'm going to drop her on her head six months down the line. But it feels like she's always been here.

Even though I love her, I don't want her to always be there. I can't tell you how selfish that makes me feel. Seeing her little face makes me smile but sometimes I just want things to go back to being how they were when we were sixteen and I relish spending time with her mum on her own, without any distractions. I didn't sign up for having a baby in my life all the time. If I did I'd have my own sprog at my side. I feel there is a time and a place and I want to spend time with my friends, with who they were BB (before baby). For me that's the mindset I'm in. My world at the minute isn't about nipple cream or breast pads. It's about going out on a Saturday night to try out the local gin bar that's just opened or booking a weekend away even though I really can't afford it.

If I don't ask about your baby or don't make a fuss, it's because for me babies just aren't my world. I don't think it's fair to force any baby on someone or make anyone feel guilty as people are at such different times in their lives. We all move at different paces. Myself? I'm moving at a snail pace when it comes to accepting I'm a fully fledged adult! It took me ten years to take the plunge to move in with my boyfriend... I can completely understand that they are your world - as they should be if you ever have a baby. It's not that I'm not interested, it's that I have other things on my mind that I'm dealing with. Other things that I want to do that at this moment in time are more important to me that babies. But I am so happy for my friends because they themselves are happy. That's all I want. I just want my friends to be happy in whatever they do. They're absolutely bossing it and it makes me proud that I know such kick-ass women.

The one main thing friends having babies has taught me though? My BFF definitely can't have a baby without me being pregnant at the same time because this needy girl will not one able to cope with the lack of attention if she has a baby and I don't!

How do you feel about your friends starting to have babies?

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An American beauty haul

One of my favourite things when visiting the the States is raiding Sephora and the endless pharmacies. I'm a sucker for Boots over here so when I'm surrounded by brands I've never heard of, I tend to go a bit crazy. I was pretty restrained when I went to NYC but I still came back with a few goodies to tide me over. Here is what I bought back in my suitcase...

Bioré 14 Deep Cleansing Pore Strips
I had never noticed this brand before then I came home and spotted it in Boots. Typical! But I picked these up as I've been reading a lot about pore strips and thought they were worth trying out. Blackheads can be my nemesis so I'm hoping these live up to what I'm expecting them to do. Fingers crossed!

CVS 100 factor sun cream
Part of my bought this for my pasty boyfriend as a joke because he is notorious for burning to a crisp - even under an umbrella and in the shade. But I'm also keen to try it out as the older I'm getting, the more obsessed I am with sun cream. I really try to stay away from the sun now and can't remember the last time I sunbathed. It's never about getting premature winkles! I have a wedding in Mallorca and the last thing I want is sunburnt shoulders so I'll be making sure I'm vigilant with the cream.

Glossier Balm Dotcom
Even since Glossier came over to British shores I've been dying to try it out. But being frivolous with skincare purchases isn't really on the cards when you're suppose to be saving for a boiler. We stumbled across the Glossier showroom in Chinatown during a wander and I couldn't help myself. The exchange rate means it was cheaper than at home and that was the push I needed. I'd heard great things about the balm and so far I'm impressed! Definitely going to be a repeat purchase.

Glossier Priming Moisturiser 
I bought the cleanser, balm and this moisturiser in a set. To be honest I wasn't really on the look out for a new moisturiser as I swear by my No 7 one that I've now been using for about a decade. Say what?! But it only worked out about £5 more if I bought the set rather than just the two products I really wanted. So for a fiver I thought I would give it a whirl.

Covergirl Last Blast Volume mascara
Lily suggested I picked up this one during my trip and I'm never one to turn down a recommendation. Covergirl is a brand that's unavailable over here and I usually always stock up. But this time I only picked up the mascara because it's the one make up product that I constantly use up without fail. An every day staple that I'm always wearing - even if I haven't got any other make up on.  I'm yet to use but have always been impressed by their mascaras so am sure this won't be any different.

Glossier Milky Jelly Cleanser
Once again a product I have seen the blogging world go crazy over. I'm always one to jump on a bandwagon. I haven't used it yet as am currently using my other cleanser but I can't wait. I'm hoping it works it's magic on me like it has done for everyone else!

Kat Von D Tattoo Eyeliner
This is my all-time favourite make up product. It glides on so effortlessly and really doesn't budge until it's time to remove it. I love the size of the pen and it's perfect to attempting to do a cat-eye flick. They sell it in Debenhams now but it's a few quid cheaper overseas so I stocked up.

Yes to Tomatoes Detoxifying Charcoal deep cleansing scrub
The different Yes To.. ranges are great. I really do love them and try to bring home a couple of products every time to go to America. I'm obsessed with charcoal masks and try to use one at least twice a week. I find they really help to unclog my pores and deal with the daily pollution I face commuting into the capital. I was drawn to the fact this had a brush attached which.

Kat Von D Liquid Lipstick
If I only had to have one red lipstick for the rest of my life this is what I would buy. I can't put into words just how much I love the shade and formula. I adore lipstick and have far too many than I would like to admit. But one thing that really gets on my goat about lipstick is the constant need to reapply it after eating and drinking. This seems to last forever and hardly ever needs to be topped up during the day. Just keep in mind it can be a bit stubborn to get off.

Yes to Cotton Micellar Cleansing Water
I left my usual cleansing water at home so had to panic buy this when I arrived. It been especially made for sensitive and allergy prone skin which means it's very gentle on your skin. I love the pump top and it seems to remove all types of make up - even stubborn lipsticks. It's not enough to tempt me away from my Garnier Micellar water but it makes a good runner up.

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Exploring the United States: 9/11 Memorial & Museum, New York City, U.S.A

I remember the day of 9/11 so clearly and vividly. I was at school and my form tutor called us in for registration, she put the telly on and we all watched transfixed as the first plane flew into the World Trade Centre. There was murmurs around that it was a freak accident and then the second plane flew into the second tower. The whole room went so silent you could hear a pin drop at the sudden realisation that this wasn't an accident. It was deliberate attack. I remember staring at the scenes on the telly feeling so confused and bewildered, unsure at what was happening but knowing deep down that things were about to change.

I was in two minds about visiting the 9/11 Memorial & Musuem* in New York. Unlike many museums and memorials I've visited, the events of 9/11 were ones I've lived through. I saw the images on television of the towers coming down and experienced the aftermath of the effect it had on the world. I selfishly didn't know if I was able to see that. But friends had mentioned that it was one of the most moving things they saw during their trip and it was a must-see. So I decided take the plunge and see it for myself.

Similar to my Auschwitz visit, it was draining. I felt myself on the verge of tears the entire time in the museum. You aren't allowed to take photos in certain parts of the museum, such as the Memorial Exhibition and Historical Exhibition, and rightly so. I saw people taking smiling selfies outside with the memorial and it didn't sit right with me. Reading eyewitness accounts of watching people jumping to their deaths, listening to the answering phone messages people had left on the phones of firefighters they knew were attending the scene, seeing the missing posters loved ones had frantically put up and seeing the destroyed fire engine that arrived first on the scene was so tough. But it was also in a way nice to remember how people came together on that fateful day. It was a day for both the worse and the best of humanity. 

If you're debating about if you should visit the 9/11 Musuem and Memorial, then add it to your list. Yes it's hard to witness but it's such an important part of history and triggered so many things. It triggered events we're still dealing to today. It's absolutely wonderfully curated and is a really heart-wrenching experience that shouldn't be missed.

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Has Spring finally arrived?

Outfit:
Yellow animal print shirt: ASOS
Distressed skinny jeans: George at ASDA (similar)
Red Gazelles: Adidas (similar)
Red leather backpack: Michael Kors (similar)
Khaki military style coat: Primark (similar)
Gold hoop earrings: Sacet*

Despite the ever constant rain, it does seem like Spring might finally be trying to appear. The days are finally getting longer thanks to the clocks and the skies are looking distinctly less gloomy and dark. This Winter has felt longer than usual so am over the moon for the change in the season. I felt like I wore the same clothes every single day in an attempt to try and keep warm so am really enjoying wearing some new in pieces that have found themselves in my wardrobe.

My uniform seems to be a shirt and skinny jeans so I was keen to add some colourful shirts to my endless collection. Yellow is my favourite colour and this animal print shirt felt like it had my name written all over it. The length is perfect and it doesn't need ironing which is my idea of heaven! I'd been after a smart backpack for a while as I've given up with handbags for every day. I carry just too much too and from work and need to have comfort as my back was really struggling with all the weight on one side. I spotted this bag in Macy's whilst I was in NYC and it was reduced from nearly £300 to £105! Whilst it was still pretty pricey, it was a complete bargain that I felt I couldn't leave behind. The size is perfect and I adore the vibrant red. Special thanks to my dad who gave my mum and I some money to treat ourselves with!

After falling out of love with earrings for a while, I'm well and truly back on wagon. You only have to read my statement earrings post to see that I can't stop treating myself. Sacet got in touch to see if I would like to have a pair from their range and I fell head over heels for these simple 18K gold hoop earrings. I'm absolutely loving hoops at the minute and these are big enough to make a statement yet small enough to still be subtle. Ethically and consciously crafted, the website lists the makers who create your jewellery. It's really nice to see the story behind each piece. They come in gorgeous packaging and would make a lovely gift for someone.

Finally I was treated to a new haircut from Rush* in the St Paul's Cheapside branch. I didn't have too much cut off it as I'm growing it to eventually donate it to charity. But I'd been pretty slack at getting my hair cut so it actually had a lot of spilt ends. So I had to have more than I wanted cut off but it feels so much nicer with a fresh cut. As always my experience in Rush was so relaxing and I came out feeling so refreshed. There's actually an offer on at the salon which gives 50% off for first time customers if you fancy sprucing up your look for Spring!

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Photo diary: Returning to New York City

After I came back from New York City in 2014, I always vowed to go back but never really thought it would happen. After all, the world is a big place and there's still so many places I want to tick off my list in the United States or even the world. But my mum starting floating around the idea and when I spotted bargain flights - I'm talking £323! - come up, I decided to do what all sensible people do when in the process of buying a house. I bought the flights.

My mum had never ventured over to America let alone to NYC so I was excited to show her all the places I loved eating, the sights that took my breath away and show her the places of my stories. A week flew by in a blink of an eye and even now it feels like a bit of a dream. It was so cool to see it through her new eyes and she took in all in.

After a long winded process through immigration, we hopped in a cab to our hotel just off Times Square and began to explore the city. It was every bit as grimy, loud, fabulous and intoxicating as I remembered. We laughed until we cried, ate until we fell sick, talked until our throats were sore and walked until we thought our feet were about to fall off. It was so great to experience it with my mum especially as I don't see her every day like I used too. Of course we bickered relentlessly, mostly over me working her to the bone and making her walk for miles. But she did encourage me to take a slower pace and I came back feeling a lot more relaxed than I expected too. Secretly I think I was pretty glad to be in bed by 7pm each night, watching Pretty Woman, eating strawberry M&Ms and drinking canned mango margaritas from the 7/11.

The Meatpacking district is still my favourite part of the city and I fell completely in love with parts of Brooklyn. I'm so happy I got to tick the Brooklyn Bridge off my list this time and seeing the Big Apple in the snow was so magical. Although I think I'm still warming up from the rickshaw ride around Central Park in six inches of snow... I'm hoping I won't leave it another four years until I'm back again.

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Hotel review: Yotel, Gatwick Airport, United Kingdom

As London airports go, Gatwick is probably the furthest away from our house so when we booked a 6am flight to NYC it made sense to stay overnight to avoid the panic of making sure we arrived on time. Enter Yotel*.

Located in the South Terminal by the arrivals area and a two minute walk away from check-in desks, Yotel is the perfect crash pad if you have to catch a flight. You can even use it if you have a long layover or delayed flights as you rent a room by the hour so you can have it for as long as you need it. If you're flying from the North Terminal, then the hotel is just a short shuttle bus ride away.

Offering three different types of compact cabins (standard, premium and premium twin), the rooms are compact yet have everything you need. You'll be able to relax whilst watching telly, take advantage of the free WIFI and help yourself to the complimentary hot drinks from reception. We treated ourselves to a meal at Giraffe opposite but there is also the option of buying snacks, pizzas, paninis and breakfast. The bed transfers from a sofa to a vertical bed in the coolest way - you'll just have to try it out for yourself! So cool!

I'd heard it could be noisy but we didn't have that problem. In fact we had a great night's sleep but then we was at the furthest end of the hotel which could have played a part. We stayed over on a Thursday night and booked the room from 7pm to 3am. The room was pretty small but it did the job and we really didn't need much more space. We stored our suitcases under the bed to maximise the room and the bed in the premium cabin was plenty big enough for two hoggers to share. If I had an early morning flight from Gatwick again then I'd definitely book myself in. It really couldn't be more convenient and helped to keep our stress levels down as knew we didn't have far at all to go to our check-in desk.

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The ultimate list of places to eat in New York City

Bubby's
I found out about this on Sophie Cliff's blog and knew I had to schedule in a trip. After lots of deliberation, I opted to try their dinner menu instead of their infamous brunch menu. Located right next to the Highline in the Meatpacking District, it's a great option for an early dinner if you're hanging out in the area. Even at 5pm it was pretty packed and had a great buzzing atmosphere. Service was friendly, jovial and quick. I'd seen pictures of their burgers on Instagram so knew this was what I was going to have even before I had arrived. Cheese makes everything better so I added blue cheese to my order.  What a revelation! The huge chunks of creamy blue cheese really did bring the burger up a notch. My mum even declared it was the best burger she had ever eaten.

Ess-A-Bagel
A recomendation from Kelly, she said it may be one of the most expensive bagels in NYC but it was absolutely worth it. She was so right! I missed out on a traditional New York bagel last time I as in the city so I wanted all the cream cheese and smoked salmon. Ess-A-Bagel, located on 3rd Avenue between50th and 51st Street, certainly don't scrimp on the fillings - it was absolutely huge. We went for a late lunch and and couldn't manage anything for dinner so be prepared for this! We meant to make it back from a second buy just ran out of time. It's one of the first places I'll be visiting when I make it back to NYC.

Grimaldi's
Pizza is my perfect last supper so I was so happy to finally make it to one of the meccas. We popped in for an early dinner in Dumbo before heading over the Brooklyn Bridge. We had to queue for around 15 minutes but it was worth every minute in the cold. To be honest you probably only need a small but we were starving so opted for a large which gave us four slices each. You choose a white or marinara pizza then customise your toppings. Each topping is around $2-$4 each. My mum prefers vegetarian pizzas so we chose all the vegetables on offer and I snuck in some meatballs too. I loved the fact your could design it exactly how you wanted. It was delicious!

Kat'z Delicatessen
Around since 1888, Kat'z Deli is most famous for THAT scene in When Harry Met Sally and is absolute mayhem. It's quite overwhelming when you enter with the self service quite confusing at first. But we knew what we wanted to try so just headed straight for the sandwich counter. A pastrami sandwich to share and a plate of chips - proper thick chips at that. It really does feel like you've taken a step back in time and I'm dying to go back and try the Reuben.

The Meatball Shop
Boasting seven locations in the city, we dined at the one in Hell's Kitchen as it was the closest to our hotel. Only selling meatballs and accompaniments, the menu is pretty simple. You choose your type of ball and opt for a sauce and style of which they are served. Keeping things traditional, I went for the classic meatballs on a bed of pasta in a simple tomato sauce - comfort food at it's finest! You must get the mini chicken buffalo balls to share as a starter too.

Rabbithole
A great option if you've crossed the Williamsburg Bridge, Rabbithole is a cute little hipster restaurant with exposed brick and a lavish chandeliers. They do lots of brunch favourite such as avocado on toast, eggs Benedict, stuffed French toast and soft omelettes. The Eggs Benedict comes highly recommend - if only they were more generous with the hollandaise sauce!

Empire
For a twist on American classics, head to Empire Diner in Greenwich for some grub. The Art Deco interiors are to die for and I felt like I should have been wearing a tussled flapper dress to fit in. We decided to try the breakfast menu and I can't rave about my breakfast sandwich enough - basically a burger but with the best bits of breakfast. Divine! Once again service was really friendly which makes all the difference when you're eating out.

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